Finished… I hope

I am tentatively excited to share this piece with you. Tentative because it’s so difficult not to find a million things that need fixing. Excited because this piece has been in my head for a long time and I am happy to put it out in the world.

This piece was created for the Faith Matters Foundation’s Restore conference in September. I don’t paint tons of religious art, so when I do you can be sure it is a very tender subject for me.

Okay.

Drumroll….

(P.S. Keep reading after for my artist statement)

Ta da!!!!

Home Church

24” by 24”

Acrylic on board

The story of this painting begins in the spring of 2020. Unforgettably, everything shut down, including churches. For our family, this meant we had church at home every Sunday for a year and a half. I loved not having to get out of the house on time; though, there were some unforeseen feelings that arose.

For the first time in my entire life, my spiritual and religious learning became pretty much exclusively independent. Our church has materials and an archive of talks and even a prescribed way of organizing meetings, but we had free rein to decide what we taught our kids. And for the first time there was more autonomy when it came to who passed the sacrament and how involved I, as a woman, got to be. We were allowed to choose what was taught and how. We got to explain and even decry things that didn’t sit right with us. We got to share our hearts with our children consistently. We had music! So much music!

The unexpected feelings that came were: a sense of RIGHTNESS and FREEDOM. No longer did we regularly hear opinions and talks deriding LGBTQIA+ lifestyles. No longer did we have to make sure the man took the lead in everything. No longer did I feel like a second class citizen. No longer did my children hear racist comments from church teachers. Y’all it was wonderful. We hung on to home church as long as absolutely possible. I didn’t want to go back. I didn’t want to step back. It was painful… and still is.

This piece represents my feelings around Home Church. The home is cheerful and inviting with an open door and a plethora of flowers (much like my own home). The sun is shining above the home indicating the truth and rightness I have found while focusing on my family and what we believe and know to be true. There is truth and surety and love contained in every brushstroke of this cheerful home.

The church, in contrast is cool and shrouded in storms of uncertainty. The church is in the distance with a fence separating the home from it and the building is shut tight. Shuttered is a feeling that often pervades my experience as a woman in a deeply patriarchal church. The church exists and is not gone or burned down, but it no longer takes a place front and center — it is no longer the beginning and the end of my spiritual life.

I feel released from the bonds of One True Way to live and more fully believe and am free to trust my instincts and my soul when it comes to what I believe and what I teach my children. I allow myself more often to choose what is “well with my soul” (Psalms 46:1-3) and allow my children the room to do the same. They will grow up nuanced and, prayerfully, free from the guilt and shame that is inevitable with a high-control religion. Hopefully we will take the very best parts of charity and kindness and community that I find in my church, while leaving behind prejudice and close-mindedness and racism and homophobia.

I don’t know where we’ll end up, but I know The Path is more cheerful, meandering, and messy than I always believed. I know that the thing that is most right is to hold my family close and to teach them the radical, accepting, and MIGHTY love of The Savior Jesus Christ.

In His love and example, I am Home and THAT is well with my soul.